Trying To Live
by CSI4lyfNCIS13
Summary: Jess was gone. He was trying to move on but we couldn't from his lover's death. But when one night he receives a sign will he be able to be reunited with her? Cause i hate "pay up" F/A, D/L and Smacked. Rated T in later chaps.
1. A Life They Never Had

Hey guyz,

This is my first written fanfic so take pity on me and press the little box at the bottom of the screen and make me happy.

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI NY. Except the villains. *Laughs evilly* But if I did own it. Jess would not have died. Jess and Don would have a happily ever after. Mac and Stella would be together. Danny and Linds are already perfect. So ya that's my version of CSI NY. (Damn writers killed of my fave character and couple) *starts crying*

Trying to Live

Chapter 1: A Life They Never Had.

As the rain falls outside your window panes can you imagine what it's like? At this moment you might be content and happy but for some people it is near to impossible. As each rain drop falls on the ground silently, each drop of water leaves it's own mark on you and this world. It might just be another rainfall to us but to this world it is another step closer to the threats of flooding. The silence is left to be swallowed up by the bustling city. The average person goes around in a daze wondering simple thoughts as to what to do today, what to have for lunch. But if you look beyond the façade and the walls that they have established to protect themselves you can see the bigger worries and troubles and pains they hold.

* * *

Don Flack looked out the blurry windows out of his apartment. The thunder rolled out. He heard the sound of rain and the cool mist reached him as he opened the windows. The mist along with a round of rain washed over his clammy skin. He breathed in deeply, the aroma of the fresh rain that fell like teardrops from the heavens, as if they understood his pain. He closed the window, and took a look around his apartment and his eyes rested on a corner of the room.

A large rugged teddy bear sat in the corner. The pink ribbon still hung around it's neck and the bear slouched a little in the corner. Don gave it a sad smile and walked over to the corner and picked up the teddy bear. He walked over to his couch and held the teddy bear tightly to his chest and just under his chin. He shut his eyes to keep out the stinging tears threatening to over flow, but as soon as he shut his eyes the images of horror filled his mind.

He breathed in deeply as the scent of jasmine reached his nostrils. That had been her scent. As he looked over at the wall that held all of his pictures. In two of the pictures he stood there, a winning smile on his face, his six foot 2 inches frame stood tall as his arm wrapped around the woman beside him. She had long brown hair that fell like a waterfall around her face and shoulders, a smile graced her lips as her brown eyes shone brightly. Her name had done grace to her earning the true name of Angell,

Detective Jessica Angell.

Jess had earned a lot of titles over the years she had worked at being a detective. Her titles had earned her a reputation as one of the tough female detectives that stood for no bullshit. But everyone also knew she had a heart of gold, going out of her way to help her friends and always honoring her badge.

The first day she started working there she got partnered with him. Her titles included friend, daughter, sister, detective, fighter and ultimately lover, his lover. How they had gotten there he had no idea. The late night coffee runs, drinks after work, the little bumps at the water cooler, the eye contact and before he knew it she was the one that kept his day going even when the worst times came.

And then one day, that faithful night it all changed when she came to pick him up in the night after he had just witnessed a secret his sister kept from him. Although he appreciated and respected her that night changed everything. It turned his and her world up side down. That one magical kiss was the beginning of the chain of events that lead her up to the title of lover.

It was true, it was a match made in heaven. At first they tried to keep it quiet but after the internal affairs investigation everyone knew. But love is an emotion that makes you a rebel. They continued seeing each other though everyone predicted they could get bored with each other and one would request a transfer. But that never happened. Three words changed their live forever. I Love You.

They had been happy. Everyone would tease them about their relationship but everyone knew they were meant for each other. But came that faithful day when he was the last one who spoke to her. To hear the happiness in her voice, the voice continued talking to him on the phone and he would forever remember her screams as she tried to protect everyone.

Flashback

Flack's phone rang as he sat in the car. Having a conversation with his personal hot tip line Terrence. As he held up a finger to single to stop talking he reached into his jacket and pulled out his cell phone. As he saw the caller id he smiled. Jess A. He loved it whenever she called or when ever she walked into the room his heart skipped a beat. He pressed the phone to his ear he listened to Jess.

"You, me and a bottle of wine and I'll wear that black negligee that you like." She whispered seductively. Even over the phone her voice spread goosebumps over him.

"Mom?" he said jokingly as so Terrence couldn't guess who he was talking to.

There came the sound of a horrific crash. The sickening sound of metal against cement. Screams filled his ears as he pressed the phone to his ear. Then came the sound of Angells voice screaming "Get down, Get down"

Flack yelled to Terrence "Get out" As the sound of burning rubber filled the air.

Over the phone Flack could hear the sounds of gunshots. He prayed to God, Jess would be all right. Then the gun fire ceased.

As they reached Tillery's Diner they saw he was the first one's there, as the sounds of siren's filled the air Flack entered the Diner through the huge gaping hole left there by the black, battered 4 by 4 truck. His eyes scanned over the rubble. He then locked his sights on a single figure on the ground. The female had a mass of brown locks covering her face; she was wearing black stiletto boots with jeans and a tan jacket over a full-sleeved white t-shirt. The same out fit Jess had been wearing that morning.

He rushed over to her and turned her around. The horrific sight almost made him faint. It was Angell, she was bleeding out from a gunshot wound in the abdomen and her shoulder. He took her in his arms and began frantically talking to her all the while scanning the crowd of cops and civilians for an ambulance. "Jess, look at me, look at me. Hey, babe listen everything is gonna be alright." Flack frantically said.

"Where's the ambulance" he shouted.

Turning back to Jess he saw she was steadily losing consciousness. "He began talking to her again "Hey listen, everything is gonna be alright. I Love You."

Deciding he can't waste precious seconds he jumped into a car and told the officer to floor it to the nearest hospital.

End Of Flashback

Flack began crying. Silent tears made their way down his face as he clutched the teddy bear more tightly.

The bear was one of the few things left in his possession that had belonged to her.

He remembered the day he asked her why she had it. She had replied "Oh, just look at it. It's adorable."

He then started to remember the moments in the hospital and that made him cry even harder.

Flashback

A doctor in a long, white lab coat approached him. He jumped up as he said "Family of Det. Angell?"

As the doctor saw his face it was twisted in confusion as to why he was alone, Flack said quickly " Her family is driving in from Queens and the rest of the team is on their way. I am her partner. We are very close." He smiled remembering how close they were.

The doctor in the same steely that you usually hear the robots use in transformers, said "I am very sorry. But Det. Angell suffered from acute blood loss and we were not able to save her. My condolences are with you."

Flack felt like he had been punched in the gut. 'Jess cant be dead. They had a life together. He wanted so many things with her. She was his heart. He loved her. He needed her.' As all these thoughts rushed to his head, tears started pouring from his eyes and he sank down to the floor, sobbing quietly. The doctor quietly left the room as Danny came rushing in. Seeing his best friend sobbing on the floor he rushed over to him. As Flack slowly shook his head, Danny turned around and punched the wall while Flack shed tears for his lover's death.

End OF Flashback

He wiped his red and puffy eyes. And put the teddy down and picked up the open letter addressed to him in Angell's familiar handwriting. He scanned the letter over again.

Dear Don,

I realized that I had a letter for my family, my best friends and all the people that mattered to me before I met you. But as soon as I met you, you became a huge part of my life and I just wanted you to know some things if tomorrow never comes.

Always remember if tomorrow never comes that I always loved you and I will continue loving you forever. Always remember that what ever happened was never your fault. Remember that I don't want you to dwell on the past and I want you to move on and be happy. Don't shed a tear because tomorrow is a new day. I cried while writing this because I never want this day to come when I will have to leave you. Always keep smiling and don't forget that when you wake up in the morning I will be with you and when you lay in bed and go to sleep I will be watching over you and I will lie down next to you.

I will be your guardian angel. And I will always love you.

Love always,

Jess

"How can I be happy without you?" he cried out to the empty air, breaking the still atmosphere.

I know in this chapter Flack was totally unlike himself, but he lost Jess, or he thinks so. Read on and I promise a happy ending (with coughjesscough). I LOVE REVIEWS. They are candy and I also lovee candy. Chocolate rocks.


	2. Picking Up The Broken Pieces

I promise something interesting happens.

Disclaimer: I do not ……Oh you know the rest =(

Chapter 2: Picking Up The Broken Pieces.

* * *

"How can I be happy without you?" he cried out to the empty air, breaking the still atmosphere.

* * *

"Hey Don, are you okay man?" the voice of his concerned best friend, Danny Messer broke into Flack's thoughts as he sat in the break room.

"Yeah, I'm okay" Flack answered in a tired voice.

Danny gave Flack his 'I don't believe you' look "Listen Don it's been six months and I know that you can't get her of your mind. But she would not want this for you."

Seeing Flack about to say something Danny jumped in first "No, let me finish, we all miss her a lot. Linds talks about her all the time like she lost her best friend, which is maybe true. Stella and Mac talk about her to. When Mac's not buried in work he talks about what a great cop she was with O'Bryon. And Stell misses her to."

"Yeah, but it's different for me, cause we were in love." Flack yelled. His voice bouncing around the empty break room. He stormed out of the room.

As he passed trace Lindsay Messer's voice called out to him. "Don, hey Don, I got a hit of the partial ………." Lindsay frowned and followed him.

"Don, talk to me." Lindsay ran up to him and grabbed his arm.

"I'm sorry Lindsay, but I've got a lot on my mind."

"Shit, listen Don, me and everyone knows what this is about. I miss Jess to. Don't pretend you're the only one. "She started fiddling with the hem of her blue dress top. "She helped all of us and she was my best friend. And just remember one thing she would not want this for you or us." Lindsay took a deep breath, wiped the single tear on her face, and walked away.

Don stared after her his brain processing every thing she said. "It's true. Ever since the latest case he had been thinking about Jess to much. He went to the elevator and went down and walked pass Mac and Stella on their way up. "Flack…" Mac began as he walked pass. Mac and Stella looked after him as he walked pass them.

"It must be hard for him, knowing she did not get a chance to say good-bye." Stella muttered to Mac staring at the retreating tail lights.

"How does everyone know that's the matter?" Mac asked.

"They were together, Mac. How would you feel if I died?" Stella asked with a tight smile.

"Don't ever even think about it, Stell" Mac said. As he placed a soft kiss on her lips he said "I would be a dead man walking. I love you."

"Love you to" Stella smiled.

Flack stopped his car. At first he did not know were he was. He had just kept on aimlessly driving or he had thought.

He stepped out of the car as a wind rushed across his face. He walked across the many tombstones as the thunder rumbled in the distance and a damp blanket was placed over the graveyard. H heard the silent crunch of grass under his feet. He continued walking until he reached a specific stone. He ran his fingers over the rough stone and traced the letters.

Detective Jessica Angell

Daughter of Det. Dale and Christine Angell.

Sister to Christopher, Jason, Patrick and Aaron Angell.

Gone too soon. She died protecting this city and we will continue her legacy.

There were four pictures attached to the tombstone. One was of Jess sitting with her family at Christmas under the tree when she was 13. The second one was of Jess graduating from the Police Academy, the third one was of Jess with the rest of the team (CSI's) and the fourth picture, the one Don had told not to give but Doug insisted was necessary was a picture of Don and Jess at the park on a snowing night. He was behind Jess with his arms wrapped around her waist and his head resting on her shoulder while her hands were entwined with his on top of her stomach and she looked at him. The expressions on their face was the one of pure love, joy and contemption.

Tears started going down his face as he sat on the ground and cried to the world "I LOVE YOU, JESS"

As the rain started pouring down he let his sorrows wash away. Though he and everybody else knew a void had been created in his heart that could never be filled as he tried to pick up and piece together the shattered remnants of his heart and soul.

* * *

From a distance away a figure stood tall, wrapped in a dark raincoat. Her long hair whipped around her face as the wind howled. She would faintly hear the words he uttered as the wind picked up. "I love you, Jess" Tears started pouring down her eyes as she saw him weeping on the ground. She uttered a single sentence as she turned around so she would not urge herself as to run to him and put her arms around him and whisper comforting words to him. "I love you too, Don."

HEHEHE *laughs evilly* so how was it? Great, Good, Horrible? And was the women Jess or someone else? Keep reading. Reviews will rock my world. *I go deep. Maybe I'll drown in empathy*

(PS. Guyz don't worry if some of my messages are weird. Im not a psycho, so don't worry.) {:3


	3. Hearing Her One More Time

The party's heating up.

Chapter three: Hearing Her One More Time

"Hey Don" the all too cheerful voice of the new detective Stacey Dowry greeted him as he walked to his desk. Her blond hair bounced around as she stared at Don with her piercing green eyes. She had been sent as a substitute for Jess and had been partnered with him. Anyone with half a brain and eyesight could see she had the hots for Don Flack. Any male cops would have loved to do her. But Don continuously avoided her and even after explaining that he wasn't dating anyone, she still wouldn't buzz of.

Don nodded to her as a call came calling them to a crime scene.

"Jessica Albert, aged 27, a receptionist at the local university." Stacey read out to the CSI's as they came to the crime scene. "What do you think killed her?" she asked.

"Well, looking at the rope around her neck I'd say she was strangled at one point, Dowry." Lindsay said in a controlled voice feeling ready as to kill the curious but stupid, air-headed detective who couldn't even the victim was strangled. "Jess could've known." She muttered so only Danny and Stella who were beside her could hear. Both of them nodded, thinking Stacey would not hear, but unfortunately she heard.

"Heyyy" Stacey cried in a whiny voice "That's not fair. You have no right to say that."

"We have every right to say that because due to your carelessness Flack was almost shot, during the perimeter set up." Mac thundered.

'So that's what it's about.' Stacey thought.

During the time they where clearing the house, a closet had gone undetected by Stacey and the assailant had come out from hiding. He had a 45. caliber desert eagle and had almost shot Flack before being caught.

Everyone that mistake could happen to anyone but everyone was really pissed.

They had also sympathized with Don since the victim's name was Jessica and the desert eagle was the same type of gun used to kill Jess.

Flack came back from getting witness statements and stared at the body on the ground being lifted up in a body bag. He felt nostalgic.

He sighed and continued with his work.

Every time he lifted his head he would be greeted with the stare of Stacy. She would not look away or budge.

At the end of the day he got up to collect his coat and go home.

"Coming to the bar?" Stacy asked with a hint of hope.

"Not today" Or ever with you he then said under his breath.

As he reached him apartment Flack changed from his suit in sweats and a YMCA teaching shirt. He took their picture and placed in on the coffee table in the living room as he bought out a beer. This night was going to be like the rest. Staring at her photo, getting drunk and passing out on the couch, getting up the next morning and going to work in the morning as if he hadn't drunkenly passed out. Just as Flack was going to take the first sip of the liquid that could send him into a state of haziness. A state were he thought she was real and everything would be alright, the phone rang.

He cursed and slid of the couch as he reached for his landline. "Flack" he answered.

"Don…" the voice breathed over the phone.

Flack felt himself go light and he felt as if a fist was squeezing his heart. He could recognize that voice from a dozen other. It was the voice that he had longed to hear say his name, tell him that everything could be alright. The voice he dreamt of everynight.

He started to answer "Jess…"

I MIGHT BE THE EVIL ONE BUT TO ALL THE F/A LOVERS OUT THERE YOU GUYS WILL AGREE THAT CBS IS THE EVIL ONE FOR KILLING OF JESS.


	4. Realize

I JUST HAD A THREE DAY WEEKEND!!! WOO-HOO. BUT IT WAS KIND OF CRAPPY AT THE SAME TIME CAUSE I WAS SICK. BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE I AM GOING TO ONE OF MY BEST BUDDIES HOUSE TODAY. THE FLASHBACK IN THIS CHAPTER TAKES PLACE BEFORE THE KISS IN DEAD INSIDE.

Chapter 4: Realize

Don Flack had many moments of epiphany in his life. A lot of them came when his life was hanging in the balance which in his job was a lot. But when he had heard her voice over the phone he had an instant realization. God had given him another chance, a chance to make things right, a chance to live again, a chance to look forward to the next day, a chance to hold Jess in his arms again but most importantly another chance to tell her he loved her and to cherish every moment of his short life, but only if he could have her, his soul mate at his side. He tried again "Jessie…"

He heard the voice again, even though low and hurried he recognized it "Don listen to me, cause I don't have much time. I'm not dead, my death was faked. Don't try to call me. Just be here next week and I'll call again. Just remember I love you." With those words he would hear the dial tone.

"Wait Jess" he called through the phone. He had so many questions, but right then none of that mattered because he had found solace in hearing her voice on more time, he had found the meaning of life again.

That week could not have passed fast enough for Don Flack. His mood had improved considerably. The only thing that had kept him sane through the week and not to kill Dowry or any suspects was of the fact that they had no personal phones in jail.

"Well, your in a good mood today" Danny remarked later in the week.

"Yeah…" he muttered. Flack couldn't make up his mind if he should tell anyone and decided to tell Danny and Lindsay. "Can you get Lindsay and meet me at the diner?"

Danny nodded. He knew the diner he was referring to was the Jimmy's Diner. One block away from Tillery's. Flack never went to Tillery's diner after the shooting that had cost Jessica Angell her life. Later that day they were seated in a back booth in the diner. Flack told them about the short conversation with Jess.

Lindsay shrieked "She's alive"

Danny shushed her as the other patrons stared at her "Even if she is alive, how do we know that phone call was from her and not somebody playing you?"

"I don't" Flack admitted "but I want to take the next call. If there is even a tiny chance that she's alive then I want to follow it up."

Lindsay began second thinking "Even though we all want her to be alive, we all saw her body, she was cremated."

"Maybe she wasn't." Flack said running a hand through his short hair. "I'm still gonna take the call"

"Okay just let us know what happens. Then if we're totally sure then we can ask Sinclair." Lindsay told them. "Whatever happens we'll get through this together" she said holding Danny's and Don's hands.

"Come over for dinner tonight." Danny said changing the subject "Lucy's been asking for you."

As Flack was about to decline, Lindsay jumped and said "Yea, come over tonight, please." As the two Messers coaxed him, Flack gave in and accepted.

After coming home that night from Danny and Lindsay's house. Flack decided to dress comfortably before the next call. Unlike other nights when he just came home from work, throwing his jacket over the sofa and plopping down with beer or vodka depending on his mood. He opened his laptop and softly turned on the music and then went into his room, changing into sweats and a navy blue coloured NYPD academy t-shirt. He remembered that this was Jess's favorite shirt to wear and it still held traces of her perfume.

_Flashback_

_It had been a hard case. A Jared Goodall, DOA had bled out at the scene and it had been a race to catch the killer. They had found out Jared who had been a third year med school student had been shot by his girlfriend because he had been acting distant with her and she had suspected he was cheating on her. At the end they had found out the reason he had been being distant when they searched his apartment and had found a diamond engagement ring inscribed with 'Jared+Allison=Forever' at the back. The girlfriend Allison Hooper had broke down crying in interrogation infront of Jessica and Mac who had been with her._

_The door to Flack's apartment opened and the partners entered. Both threw their jackets over the sofa as the sat down. Flack went into the kitchen leaving Jess in the living room. _

_Flack called over his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen "I'm ordering pizza"_

"_Remember no olives." She called back._

"_How can I forget? This is only the twentieth time we ordered pizza" he smirked and sat down beside her._

"_Twenty-first, and you had better not forgotten to order…"_

"_Pepperoni, I know, I know Jess"_

_Jess smiled and leaned back into the couch as she grabbed one of the two beer bottles Flack had put down on the coffee table infront of her when he had got the phone. As he finished placing the order he casually draped his arm behind her along the back of the couch. After some minutes of contently sitting in silence Jessica spoke up "He had loved her, yet she had doubted his love and in the end she lost it all."_

_Flack answered her unasked question "Sometimes we can't save everyone. Doubt had existed between them, his feelings might have been clear but her feelings weren't. Either way she was going to lose it all."_

"_I just wish it would have ended without someone being killed."_

"_It ended one way or another"_

"_You know I have a favorite saying 'Without forgiveness there can't be love and without love there can't be forgiveness.' I guess she did not have the capacity to love or to fully forgive." Jess said looking at him._

"_But I know someone with the biggest capacity to love and forgive." He said leaning towards Jess. Their noses one millimeter._

_Jess raised her brows "Who?"_

"_A special someone, she's funny, smart, lovable, beautiful, looks better than Marilyn Monroe in a dress and best of all my partner." He whispered_

_Jess shyly smiled "Does this amazing partner have a name."_

"_Yes" he leaned back and slung his arm around her shoulders "The one and only Detective Jessica Angell"_

"_Cut it with the compliments, you making me blush." She laughed and right then the door bell. He took his arm from her shoulders and immediately missed his comfort. After finishing dinner it was late._

"_Do you want to stay the night? It's really late." Don said with a hint of concern._

"_No it's alright." Jess assured._

"_Please Jess." He said his bright blue eyes begging her to stay "I'll feel better if you were."_

_A dozen reasons immediately started to go through her mind not to stay. But another part of her mind started listing reasons she wanted to. The other part of her brain won out and she agreed. Don went into the bedroom and tossed her some sweats and his academy t-shirt. "I'll sleep on the couch."_

"_No, this is your home and we're both adults. We can share a bed."_

_As he agreed she got into bed wearing his clothes, breathing in her musky cologne. As he came out of the washroom, she looked at him and stored the image to her mind. As he went into the other side and crawled in. In the middle of the night they went into each other's arms._

_In the morning Flack opened his eyes to see Angell's head on his chest. He was holding her around the waist as she slowly opened her eyes. "Hey" he whispered "Slept good?"_

"_Better than you'll ever know. Although I'm not sure which one the shirt or you that kept me asleep." He laughed along with her. The position they were in not bothering the other._

_End Of Flashback_

Suddenly the phone rang.

REVIEWS ARE HERSHEY'S CHOCOLATE BARS. AND I LOVE HERSHEY'S CHOCOLATE BARS.


	5. Flashback

PLANNING A HUGE TRIP. SO HUGE GONNA MISS THE FINAL EXAMINATIONS. OH YEA.

Chapter 5: Flashback

He hurried and picked up the phone. Don Flack was never a patient man and this time was no exception. Definitely no exception when there was a chance his dead lover was alive.

"Jess?" he said as soon as he picked up the phone.

He heard her laugh on the other end of the line. God, how he had missed her laugh. He had never forgotten how she had sounded but actually hearing her voice again had once again proven to the hard core detective inside of him that miracles happened and he was getting a second chance at love.

"Impatient as ever, I see" he heard her say at the other end of the line.

Jess cradled the land phone to the side of her face. It was nightfall and she was in her new apartment. It was better than her old one but she missed the old one so much. It was her old apartment that held the memories of her returning home after long shifts, her and Don sharing hot chocolate after walking through the first snowfall of the year even before they started dating, her having girl's night in with Lindsay and Stella, the first time after their eight date when she and Flack had burst in through the door as he carried her to the bedroom and the first time they made love.

_Flashback_

"_Hey Jess, Angell wait up" Flack called as Jess hurried through the streets of New York. She was bundled up in her coat. It was a more chillier night than other with the prospect of snowing that night. She was walking down the eerily quiet streets of New York city most people having gone home and commuters taking the subway other than walking because of the cold. As she turned around her hair whipped across her face with the harsh wind and her cheeks and nose all puffy and red. Flack smiled to himself as he imagined the reaction he would get from her if he said it out loud to her that she looked like a cute little reindeer. As he got closer to her he was thinking 'Definitely cute' and then mentally slapped himself on the back of the head for even thinking that about his partner._

"_Yea Flack?" Angell looked wary._

"_Was worried about you, you shouldn't be walking home alone" he said as he began thinking about why he was stopping her from getting home and crawling into her warm bed and getting a decent hour's sleep like he should be doing He had just seen her start to go out of the precinct and he had instinctively stated to follow her. She better not be sharing body heat with anyone and then reprimanded himself again. She wasn't his but that didn't stop him from wishing. He knew he was falling hard for her. _

"_Flack what's your job?" Angell asked amused._

"_Umm, a cop, or are you having a short term memory loss?" he said confused._

"_Exactly and whats my job?" she continued asking. He was looking flustered now. He would look so cute when he got flustered. It was sweet that he was worried about her, she knew that she was falling hard for the blue eyed detective and knew it was dangerous. But she also knew from past experiences that her colleagues would look concerned about her just to gain her trust and get her into bed. Although she knew Don was most definitely not one of those guys and was genuinely concerned for her she still wanted him to prove it. _

"_Same as mine" he replied to her question._

"_Exactly which means I can take care of myself although it is sweet that you care" she said._

"_Jess, I didn't say I doubted you and I know you can take care of yourself as well as anybody but I just get concerned." He stated starting to get nervous that she would think he was thinking of her as a weakling. He never was nervous around any girl before but Jess wasn't any girl._

_She chuckled "Don, chill it's okay and I'd be honored if you walked me home"_

_He grinned as he relaxed and gave his arm to her which she accepted and it was then that the snow started to fall. Like gentle pieces of wool or feathers falling from the sky and heavens. Delicate little snowflakes that were as fragile as glass. White as cream and cold as ice. The little snow drops started falling around them as their breaths came out in little puffs of smoke. Jess followed the path of the first flake as it made its way down. She always loved the snow. It just seemed the time of year when the world would be covered with a blanket that would be so soft and clean She closed her eyes for a split second savoring the moment that seemed so right with Don. When she opened her eyes she found him looking at her._

_When the first snow fell he had glanced at Angell. She seemed so at peace between the gentle flakes and when she had closed her eyes she seemed peaceful that was when she got his idea. When she opened her eyes he tugged on her hand and said "Let's go"_

_She raised her brows to which he replied "You'll see"_

_At last they got to their destination of Central Park the snow had already covered the ground and were making little mounds._

_He tugged her hand as the walked through the snow. Both noticed that Don was still holding her hand. Don decided to let it stay that way. A comfortable silence rested between them as they walked hand in hand through the snow. The coldness enveloped them both getting the feeling of heat from their entwined hand that seemed to be springing electricity everywhere. As they reached a huge mound of snow he suddenly stooped down and before she had time to react a snow ball had smashed into her face._

_She shrieked as the cold ice slid down her face and she looked at him and simply said "I wasn't ready" as she proceeded to pelt him with snowballs._

_It was a battlefield as snowballs flew left and right in the end the two laughing, sopping wet partners dropped on the ground with limbs spread out._

_Then he suddenly propped himself up beside Angell. Both noticed the close proximity than they were enclosed in. Their faces were one inch apart the only space being filled up by their icy breath. Suddenly Angell didn't notice the cold snow, the dark night or her wet clothes only Don's lips so close to hers. She willed him mentally to kiss her._

_Don was slowly lowering his mouth to kiss her but then he suddenly pulled away. He was surprised at himself and so was Jess. Maybe he didn't want to kiss her._

"_Hey Jess" he whispered still propped up beside her._

"_Yea?"_

"_Remember how you told me about Jim Hoster your colleague from Jersey and how he tried to take advantage of you?" Don asked remembering their talk over Irish coffee._

"_Yea, I do" she replied also remembering the conversation and how she told him he had walked her home only to try to kiss her and get her into bed._

"_Just remember, I'm not him" he whispered as he looked into her eyes._

_She saw his feelings. He could talk with his eyes just as he would with his mouth. She saw that he wanted to kiss her so bad but at the same to prove to her that he did not want her to be another notch on his bedpost but really wanted something with her._

_She smiled and said "I know" as she slid her hand behind his head and gently guided his lips to her. As their cold lips meet a instant wave of fireworks exploded everywhere. Her lips were soft and tasted of vanilla lip gloss while his lips were warm and tasted of the coffee he had drunk before leaving. Their lips moved in sync with each other. They broke of because of the desperate need of air as they looked at eachother with Don resting his forehead on Jess's. It was then that they became aware of the snow soaking into them. Laughing they both got up._

_At Jess's door she invited Don inside but he declined to show her she really meant something and then he pecked her on the lips as good-bye._

_As he moved away from her building he realized they were now more than friends and that he promised himself he was going to make this work._

_End Of Flashback_

"He Don" she whispered over the phone.

"Yea babe?" he whispered back so happy to know she was still alive.

"I love you"

He felt as if his smile would burst of his face "I love you too"

**NO IDEA WHERE THAT FLASHBACK CAME FROM. I WAS PLANNING TO MAKE IT THAT FLACK AND ANGELL DON'T KISS BUT THEY JUST GO HOME FOR HOT CHOCOLATE. BUT WHEN I GOT TO THE CLOSE PROXIMITY PART I JUST COULDN'T RESIST. READ & REVIEW GUYS.**


	6. I Can Wait Forever

I'M TRYING TO GET IN SOME WRITING BEFORE I LEAVE.

Chapter 6: I Can Wait Forever

ALMOST FORGOT

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI NY although I just recently bought the season 5 DVD and will be forced to watch the episode of "Pay Up". But I also don't own the song "I Can Wait Forever" by Simple Plan.

"Jess were are you?" Don asked the second most important question that was going through his head "and how is it your not dead?"

She took a deep breath and answered "I'm still in New York, in a new apartment. And to answer your second question remember the that before I started working with you guys and still working with vice I was working to break up this illegal child trafficking gang?" she said that last part with disgust. If there were cases that Jess hated the most it was child molesters, traffickers and rapists.

"Calm down honey, and yes I remember" he soothed her.

"Well it's come back into operation. One month before they staged my death at the diner a new wave of children came on in the market. Our undercover informant told us this and someone needed to get inside the ring." Said Jess.

Don nodded slowly all the pieces falling into place "So they choose you but why?"

She took a deep breath once again. Once in a blue moon her wounds would start to ache again. "The thing is that only operatives that worked in the original operation to break up the gang held the real vital information and only someone from them could go."

"So why not someone else?" Don asked the question she had been holding of on.

"Don, I never wanted to go, I didn't volunteer. I had a great life, with great friends and most of all you but there were no other operatives left. Either they were already on assignment or dead so I was the only one left"

He was silent after he had heard the whole story. She was afraid what his reaction would be, maybe he had thought she had volunteered to go, to leave him, to cause grief and pain to everyone she loved.

"I love you" was the only thing he said.

She tore up "I Love You To"

"So how is the case coming?" he asked anxious to know when she would be able to come home.

"It's almost wrapped up. I just need one more month but I promise I'll keep calling you" she said not almost believing the words herself that she will be coming back. "But Don…."

"What? Is everything alright?" he asked ferociously as if anyone dared to hurt her he would rip their heart out with his bare hands.

"Yea everything is alright but are you sure you want to continue loving me?" she asked hesitantly putting her fear out into the open.

"Jess what do you mean? I love you, remember?" he asked getting scared.

"I have been keeping tabs on you Don. I have seen the self destruction you've caused yourself over my death and I love you to much to let that happen. Maybe you need someone more secure, someone you don't have a chance of losing every second….."She rambled on.

"Jess stop" the authority in his voice forced her to listen. "I can never love someone as much as I love you Ok? Whatever will happen I can face it as long as I know that you are there if not physically but spiritually. Plus I told Danny and Linds about the call they were always there to help me and not put a bullet through my head. I can wait forever as long as I know I can join you again."

"I love you too. So, so much" she smiled.

"Okay now I want you to listen to this" he said.

"What is it?" she asked full of curiosity.

"You'll see or rather hear" he cheekily answered as he put the phone on speaker and placed it beside his laptop and put on one particular song.

Tear tracks started to make their way down her face as she listened to the song.

_**You look so beautiful today**__**  
**__**When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away**__**  
**__**So I try to find the words that I could say**__**  
**__**I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away**__****_

_**And I can't lie but every time I leave my heart turns gray**__**  
**__**And I wanna come back home to see your face tonight**__**  
**__**'Cause I just can't take it**__****_

_**Another day without you with me**__**  
**__**Is like a blade that cuts right through me**__**  
**__**But I can wait, I can wait forever**__****_

_**When you call my heart stops beating**__**  
**__**When you're gone it won't stop bleeding**__**  
**__**But I can wait, I can wait forever**__****_

_**You look so beautiful today**__**  
**__**It's like every time I turn around I see your face**__**  
**__**The thing I'll miss the most is waking up next you**__**  
**__**When I look into your eyes, man I wish that I could stay**__****_

_**And I can't lie but every time I leave my heart turns gray**__**  
**__**And I wanna come back home to see your face tonight**__**  
**__**'Cause I just can't take it**__****_

_**Another day without you with me**__**  
**__**Is like a blade that cuts right through me**__**  
**__**But I can wait, I can wait forever**__****_

_**When you call my heart stops beating**__**  
**__**When you're gone it won't stop bleeding**__**  
**__**But I can wait, I can wait, I can wait forever**__****_

_**I know it feels like forever**__**  
**__**I guess that's just the price I've gotta pay**__**  
**__**But when I come back home to feel your touch makes it better**__**  
**__**Until that day there's nothing else that I can do**__**  
**__**And I just can't take it**__****_

_**Another day without you with me**__**  
**__**Is like a blade that cuts right through me**__**  
**__**But I can wait, I can wait forever**__****_

_**When you call my heart stops beating**__**  
**__**When you're gone it won't stop bleeding**__**  
**__**But I can wait, I can wait, I can wait forever**__****_

_**I can wait forever, I can wait forever**__**  
**__**I can wait forever, I can wait forever, I can wait forever**__**  
**_

As the song finished she gasped "Don"

"Yea?" he said still smiling.

"My sentiments exactly" she said.

**Love it? Hate IT? Let me know.**


	7. AUTHOR'S NOTE

Authors Note:

I know you guys will probably skip this chap but hello if I read some of the notes then this is a good try of my faith in all readers. I am going away on a big trip today and probably won't be able to update. I'm sorry but I'll probably be gone 4 a month but if I find a computer then I promise I will TRY to update. Love, Peace, Prosperity to all. (that sounded like a game show line and since I hate game shows) I will just end by saying I love you all especially the ones that leave reviews, you guys are the awesomest ever. And Adios.

Love  
MZ


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